Lois and Clark: The Stupid Adventures of Superman
by Flashgriffin
Summary: A parody of the tv show that was originally written as a script. Now complete! Anyone with ideas for the seguel, please put in review!
1. Scene One

Lois and Clark: 

**Lois and Clark: **

** **

**The Stupid Adventures of Superman**

** **

Disclaimer: I don't own anything about this story.I didn't actually write it in the first place either.A friend of mine wrote it, originally as a script for a movie we were going to make, but we never actually got around to doing it.I've taken a little creative license with it, taken out the commercials and stuff, but it's pretty much the same.And, oh yeah, the characters don't belong to me.They belong to DC comics, or the TV show, whichever.It was based on the TV show, so think of Dean Cain and Teri Hatcher.Wow, this is a long disclaimer.Let's get to the story now.

"So, what have we got so far?" 

Mindy Church, The Mad Scientist, and Jackson Luthor were all gathered together as the 'We Find Yet Another Way To Kill Superman Every Episode Committee' in their secret lair.

"Well, frankly, we've tried everything… Kryptonite…" Jackson started.

"Someone always manages to save him!" Mindy interrupted.

"…A deadly virus from Krypton…" Jackson continued.

The mad scientist rolled his eyes."Ms. Lane's psychotic father found a cure."

Jackson went on."…Red Kryptonite…"

Mindy jumped to her feet."I don't even want to talk about Red Kryptonite!Look everybody, I'm starting up Intergang again, and in order to do that, we're just going to hafta get Superman…"

"Dead!" The rest of them chimed in.

"Right!" Mindy exclaimed.She started pacing around the room as she spoke."So we need something original."She looked at the mad scientist.

"I dunno."

Mindy sighed and looked at Jackson.

"Ditto."

Mindy rolls her eyes."All outta ideas?"

Both Jackson and the mad scientist nod."Then I guess I'll just have to kill you."She pulls a huge frying pan out from behind her back and bops Jackson over the head, but hesitates when she comes to the mad scientist."Mmmmm… I think I'll keep you, for a little while.But remember, your life is in my hands, bub."


	2. Scene Two

Meanwhile, at the Daily Planet offices, Clark Kent was bent over his keyboard, pecking out a story as fast as he could with on

Meanwhile, at the Daily Planet offices, Clark Kent was bent over his keyboard, pecking out a story as fast as he could with only two fingers.Lois Lane swooped down and shoved him aside.

"Uh, Clark?Maybe you'd better let me do the typing."

Clark glanced at what she was briskly writing."Lois, what are you typing?"

She looked up at him."Your story, what else?"

He raised his eyebrows at his partner. "Lois, my story's not on Lingerie."

She examined what she written."Uh… whoops!Maybe I'll go type my story!Bye!" She hurried away, then spotted Jimmy coming towards her and adjusted her course to intercept him.He handed her a paper and a paper cup.

"Lois, here's the story you wanted on yet another unrealistic, too bad to be true crime-lord operating in Metropolis, oh and the cappuccino you asked for."

Lois scrutinized the coffee. "Jimmy!I said light on the Cinnamon!Go take it back and this time you're paying for it!And don't think I didn't see you just standing there waiting for the gourmet meal you prepared for me to get out of the microwave!If I ever see such laziness again, I'll report you to Perry!Now, hurry up!You're not getting paid for standing around all day!"

As Jimmy scampered away, Clark turned to his partner. "Lois, what's you're problem?I mean, you're acting really …weird."

Then Lois turned on him."You know, I'm beginning to think you're my problem, Clark Kent!All you ever do is complain, complain, complain!And you tell me I'm acting weird?"

"Well, at least don't take whatever it is out on me or Jimmy!All I know is that something's wrong with you, Lois."

"Fine Clark.Be mean.Be selfish.Be an overrated, mudslinging, puppy kicking, butter ballish, ape resembling, primitive acting pig and see if I care because I don't." 

"You know, Lois, I've had just about enough of your insane attitude.Goodbye!And you might as well forget about going out tonight!" He turned and stalked off towards the elevator.

"Ya?Wull yer a jerk!" Lois called after him.He stuck his tongue out at her before the doors closed between them.


	3. Scene Three

Author's Note: Sorry this took so long Lightle Consulting Lightle Consulting 2 3 2001-10-24T02:58:00Z 2001-10-24T02:58:00Z 1 1 1 9.2720 

Author's Note:  Sorry this took so long.  I got caught up with some stuff, then I got Authoritis and Writer's Block, and I couldn't write anything.  Sorry ya'll.

A little later in Mindy's lab, Mindy and the Scientist discussed their experiment.  

"Well, that cranky Lois Lane is proof enough!  The attitude changer works!" Mindy crowed.

"Trust me, with one poke of this needle, Superman's goody-goody days are over!" The Mad Scientist said.

"Ooooooooooh!  It's even better than I thought!  Not only will Superman be stealing and killing and embezzling and vandalizing (well, you get the picture) but if we invite him into Intergang, this might mean a whole new era for crime in Metropolis!"  She said, leaning against the table, envisioning dollar signs in her head.  She looked over to her accomplice.  "And why are you pouring the potion into a statue?"

The Mad Scientist didn't look up.  "That's the whole beauty of it!" Now he looked up.  "Oh, the statue is of my dead wife, Rachel.  Say hi, Rachel!"

   Mindy rolls her eyes at him.  "Okay, whatever."  She pauses to collect her thoughts. "Now, my attempting suicide bit is getting old… so we have to find another way to get him."

Mad shouted, "I've got the perfect idea!"

"Oooooooooh!  What is it?"

"Well, we get a certain reporter he's kinda attached to, namely Lois Lane, and, oh, let's say throw her off of the Metropolis County Bridge… and guess who comes to save her?"

"Superman!"

"Exactly!  Then, when he takes her back to her house, we, in the meantime have broken into her apartment, and inject the potion into him!"

"I love it!  Now, you said Lois' injection was only temporary.  When will it wear off?" Mindy asked.

"Sometime tomorrow, I think.  But Superman's injection will be permanent!"

"Ooooooooh!  I think I've got a fab idea!  What do you say we make another batch of that stuff and we give it to ……………….The Mayor!


	4. Scene Four

"Now, fellow Metropolians, I'd sincerely like to dedicat…" The Mayor squinted at her notes, "…ate-dedicate Lightle Consulting Lightle Consulting 1 1 2001-11-05T23:06:00Z 2001-11-05T23:08:00Z 1 1 1 9.2720 

"Now, fellow Metropolians, I'd sincerely like to dedicat…" The Mayor squinted at her notes, "…ate-dedicate!  Yeah, that's it!" She said triumphantly.  "I'd like to dedicate this angelic statue to the top of the Metropolis orphanage oak tree because-OW!"  She jumped in pain.  "What was that that poked me?  What am I doing here anyway?" She shoves the angel off the podium.  "Besides, I've had enough of putting silly token gifts on Metropolis' worthless landmarks anyway!"  She stalks off the stage.  

Lois, who was in the crowd with Clark reporting on the ceremony, followed the woman and asked, "Mayor Julkfed, what seems to be the problem?" 

The Mayor turned on Lois and said, "You know, it just might be all you annoying reporters!  I'm leaving you idiots to find another way to brighten up those whiny little brats!"  She turned towards the street.  "Taxi!!"

When the Mayor was gone, Lois said, "Whoa, I knew the Mayor liked coffee before speeches, but trust me Clark, she wasn't drinking decaff!"

"Well, at least you seem a little better after this morning."

"I know.  I really have to apologize to Jimmy too.  I really wasn't myself at all."

Clark nodded, then said.  "Hey, look!  There's Mrs. Church!  I have a feeling she's up to something."

"Isn't she always into something?" Lois asked sarcastically.  She tried calling her over.  "Mrs. Church?  Mrs. Church!"

Mindy came over.  "Please, Lois, call me Mindy.  Boy, that Mayor sure needs a vacation or something, eh?"

Clark pulled out his pad and pencil.  "Yeah, that's what we were wondering.  Do you know anything about the Mayor's attitude?"

"Why do you silly-billy reporters always think I'm at the head of anything that sounds remotely fishy?"

"We don't Mindy, it's just we thought you might know something about it." Clark said.  "Thank you for your time."

"Buh-bieeeeeee!" Mindy said and left.

Clark watched her go. "And you thought the Mayor was a bit high strung."

"I'm beginning to think that all the Mayor is, is high!  Something's going on, Clark, and we had better find out what it is."

Clark took a few slow steps while he thought, then turned to Lois.  "Just before the Mayor started acting weird, she said…"

"That something poked her!" They both said in unison.  

"I know." Lois said.  "We should make a stop at the Mayor's house before we go back to the Planet."  She started on to the car.  Clark caught up to her.

"Why not you go back to the Planet.  I'll check out the Mayor."

"Yeah, I bet you will." Lois said, a little meanly.  "See ya later, Clark." 

Lois continues walking.  Clark ducks away, loosing his tie as he goes.  As soon as he's gone, The Mad Scientist jumps out and grabs her.

"Come on, Lois.  We wouldn't want to keep Superman waiting, now would we?" 


	5. Scene Five

"You weirdo Lightle Consulting Lightle Consulting 1 1 2001-11-06T00:09:00Z 2001-11-06T00:10:00Z 1 1 1 9.2720 

"You weirdo!  Put me down!" Lois screamed as she was hauled out of a car on the Metropolis Bridge.

"Oh, don't worry, Lois.  He'll put you down.  All the way down to the deep, blue sea!" Mindy said from her spot leaning against the railing of the Bridge.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!" Lois shrieked as she was dragged to the railing.  "Mindy, why are you doing this?  What have I ever done to you?"

"Oh, it's just one small step towards- Oh, really Lois, you wouldn't think I'd spill my guts about starting up Intergang again, would you?"

"No, Mindy, I guess you're just smarter than me.  But how does throwing me off a bridge help you with your plans?"

"You'll see.  Now remember to scream on your way down."  And The Mad Scientist throws her off the bridge.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllppppppppppppppppp!  Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Lois screamed as she fell.  Suddenly a familiar looking man in a blue suit with a red cape swooped down from out of nowhere, and caught Lois in his arms.  

"Thank god, it's Superman!" Lois gasped when she realized she was safe.  "Thank you very much for always managing to save my life in the nick of time.  But really, Supe, you ought to try being ahead of schedule for once, you know."

Superman chuckled softly.  "Thanks for the advice.  Now let's get you home." And without even asking which way was her apartment, he took off.   


	6. Scene Six

The window to Lois' apartment is always left open, and Superman, with Lois in his arms sailed right in. When they had landed and he had put her down, she said, "Thanks again, Superman." Turning to go to the kitchen area, she continued, "Would you like to stay for some coffee?"

Superman slowly followed her. "Don't mind if I do, thanks."

While Lois is setting up the coffee machine, and Superman is standing around watching her, Mindy watches them through the window while the Mad Scientist crawls on the floor towards Superman to inject him with the potion. Neither Lois nor Superman noticed. 

"So, what do you do in your free time, Superman?" Lois was asking. "I mean, there's got to be a little spare time between crime sprees, eh?"

Superman was about to answer when the door bursts open. "Superman, JUMPPP!" Jimmy cries.

Superman jumps out of The Mad Scientist's reach just as he was about to poke him with the needle. Jimmy leaps forward and grabs the needle out of the scientist's hand and waves it dramatically while he talks. "This is why Lois and the Mayor were acting so weird, Superman. Mindy and the Mad Scientist invented this potion to screw up your attitude so you would be a crime lord and be part of Intergang!" 

Superman fixed his best penetrating stare on the Mad Scientist and Mindy, whom Lois had grabbed out of the fire escape. Mindy was holding up very well to the pressure, but the Mad Scientist cracked. He collapsed to his knees and started bawling. "Oh, she made me do it, Superman! Please forgive me! I never did anything wrong! I have a wife!"

"He's lying." Mindy countered. "His wife is dead and he's the one who was plotting against you!"

Superman had had enough. "You are both going to jail." He said, reaching for them with agonizing slowness, letting his cockiness take over. 

"Not so fast, Blooperman!" Mindy said. And the two of them disappeared before Superman laid a finger on them. 

"Where did they go?" Lois asked, looking around her apartment.

"Who knows?" Superman said, not really caring. "But they'll be back. Now, I'm sorry, Lois, but I can't stay for coffee. I've got to go take care of the Mayor! Good-bye, Lois." And he took off out the window. 

"Good-bye, Superman." Lois said to the window, then sighed. "If only Clark was that brave. I didn't see him anywhere, even when you came, Jimmy."

"Yeah, I tried to get a hold of him, but he wasn't to be found."

"Oh, well. I guess he cares more about a story on the Mayor than he does me." She sighed again. "Oh, well. C'mon, Jimmy, how 'bout some coffee?" She headed back for the kitchen area where the coffee was almost done. 

"Okay." Jimmy said, following her. "But make sure it's light on the cinnamon!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Jimmy. I was just horrible to you."

"It's okay, Lois. You weren't exactly yourself, now that I know what was wrong!"

Just them, Clark ran in the still open door. He stops dead in the middle of the living room before saying, "Hi."

Lois went back into the living room. "So, did you catch Superman? He was on his way over there."

"Yeah. The Mayor is getting better. Are you okay?"

"Well, I was injected with a potion and thrown off a bridge while two whackos broke into my apartment. But otherwise, fine."

"Superman told me the story." Clark said, nodding. "I wonder where Mindy and the Mad Scientist went to?"

"Guess we'll never know." Jimmy said, coming into the room. 


	7. Scene Seven

Mindy and the Mad Scientist arrived back at their laboratory seconds after they left Lois' apartment. 

"That was a close call." Mindy said, collapsing into a couch. "But I'm willing to give you another chance… uh, what's your name?"

The Mad Scientist looked uncomfortable. "Promise you won't tell?"

"Criminal's honor." Mindy said, raising her right hand.

"Mork."

"Mork?" Mindy repeated.

"Yes. Look, I was born in the seventies, and it was my folk's favorite show, so just leave me alone!"

"It's okay." Mindy consoled him. "But I'm really itching to start Intergang up, so we need an Idea. And we need one soon. I'm no longer worried if people find out we're the culprits. I just want him dead."

"Me and Rachel will manage to think something up. But in the meantime, we need every law abiding citizen to be given the potion." Mork said.

"Perfect! But how?"

"If I can modify the potion to look and taste like H2O, we can dump fifty thousand vats of the junk into the Metropolis water plant! Everyone in town will be drinking it!"

'That's Splendiferous!" Mindy cried ecstatically. "Now let's get busy. The good People of Metropolis are thirsty, Mork, and we are going to quench their thirst."

To Be Continued… possibly… if anyone gives me any ideas on what to do next.


End file.
